My journey begins!

My relationship with food is really passionate. When I say passionate, I mean it.  My relationship to eating healthy and maintaining a healthy weight is horrible.  When I say horrible, I mean it.  This blog is going to tell the story of my journey from 245 lbs to 129 lbs (my goal weight).  That's 116lbs to lose, and I'm going to give myself 2 years (hopefully less) to achieve it.  I'm hoping that this blog will inspire and help others, as well as help myself on this journey.  I'll include recipes, photos and other things that might be exciting to look at, along with my candid entries.  I'm not afraid to share my fears, struggles, and moments of excitement with you.  I'm doing this for myself, and if you want to read along, then do so.  First off, I'm gonna give you a quick history (I'll try my hardest) on my relationship with food.

I grew up the daughter of a very loving, caring, and wonderful "weight conscious" mother.  My father was a marathon runner, and was also always very fit.  I, however, have always been stubborn, oppositional, and in love with food.  My parents often joke at how much I talk and photograph food, because to them food isn't as cool as it is to me.  I blame my passion for food on my generation, all the food network channels, and my genes.  I'm adopted, and after reuniting with my biological family I noticed quickly that they were all a solid build, mostly overweight or obese, and enjoyed food as much as me.  I'm not blaming anyone specific, and actually I shouldn't even blame my genes, generation, and food network.  It doesn't matter and is not worth my time.  All I can do is focus on myself and get to the place I dream of being.  That's a 129 lb sexy motherfucking goddess, who wears adorable vintage clothing and looks like the sexiest big breasted stylish pin up girl in all of Chicago.  That's right.  I'm gonna be a model. 

Growing up my mom sent me to school with the healthiest lunches ever.  Sitting at a table of 20 kids with PB&J and PB&Fluff sandwiches on white bread, Doritos, and Oreos for dessert was pure torture!  Every day I'd try to trade my rice cakes spread with a teaspoon of unsweetened PB for pretty much anything unhealthy that I could get my hands on.  I was never super overweight growing up.  That didn't happen until I was in college where I had ultimate freedom from my parents.  Not to mention, I had the assistance of Aderal and Ritalin (prescribed) that kept my metabolism running like an energizer bunny from age 10 to 21.  When I stopped my meds late into college (a difficult, yet wonderful decision) the weight started piling on.  My impulse control went from a ten to a zero.  Although my amazing personality blossomed and I didn't feel like an anxious zombie everyday, my belly blossomed along with the quest for eating everything I've never had which included pizza, arby's, steak n' shake, and so much more. 

So the first time I gained a large amount of weight was Freshman year of college.  I lost it during Sophomore year from all the dancing I was doing, working out, and just being happy.  Then I stopped taking my meds, gained it all back and more into my Senior year.  I went from a size 8 to a size 22 in 3 years.  Nearing 240lbs, I had a break down and went Vegan.  I lost a ton of weight, started cycling, and moved back to Chicago after college.  I got down from a size 22 to a size 12.  Then I fell in love and got married to an amazing, caring, loving, nonjudgmental husband that has never made a single negative comment to me about my weight, looks, or anything.  He had also struggled with being overweight growing up so he has always had compassion towards me.  He is actually the most compassionate person I know, it's so annoying!  ;)  He finds the greatest importance in my happiness, not my dress size, and I love him for that.  Although, once we got married the weight started to pile on both of us.   He had been able to stay fit and skinny for about 5 years.  He gained about 20lbs, and I gained who knows how much, I don't keep track.  Well that's going to change, for both of us.  He is supporting me on this journey, along with a dear friend, and we have joined Weight Watchers.  But I'm doing it for real this time, no more excuses. 

Speaking of excuses, here's a list of my excuses for getting/being fat:
I'm so positive about being fat!
It's okay to eat a bag of oreos, I'm gonna be a plus sized model.
I'm pretty and people still think so.
I'm beautiful and people still say so.
I'm amazing and people still think so.
I gain weight proportionally!  I don't look like some top heavy person with dinky legs.
Plus size power! Bigger women are cooler, more comfortable in their skin and have better personalities.
Adele is overweight.
I'm so cute.
I'm hungry and this is what I want now, and I deserve it.
Who cares if I don't care?!

Ridiculous right?  Plus, Adele lost weight recently and I started to hate her!  But what I really realized was that I hate how unhealthy I am  (not Adele) and that its time that I really need to do something about it long term.  No more ups and downs, no more size 8 to size 22 every 3 years, I'm going to lose weight, keep it off, and get to a size 6 or 8 and be healthy about it.  I have a lot more to learn about food and myself and I'm dedicated to it.  So here is goes!  Hope you enjoy my journey.  Below is a slideshow of my weight fluctuations throughout the years.  Can't wait until I'm 129lbs.  Gonna be a model, bitch!

Weight Slideshow - slideshow with music